Inward Bound
by Lexi Mara
Photo credit: MJ Photography
Down to the basics. That’s where we need to go right now as we navigate homeschool, pandemic, civil unrest, isolation, winter and the regular old pain of being in a human body.
I take myself back here often. Feelings and Needs. Feelings and Needs.
It’s so often and easy to neglect them or deny them or disown or abandon them. So common to try to get away from our feelings and/or needs, or just flat out have no idea what they are or how to identify them.
We were never taught that it’s ok to have needs and to feel our feelings - rather we were taught the equivalent of “be seen, not heard.” Many of us, as women and moms, operate under the assumption that there is no room for us with everything else going on - to take up space would be selfish and “too much.”
You see, few of us were trained to give our feelings and needs permission.
As I started grasping this within myself, some HUGE shockwave revelations started happening. I started seeing how much I belittled my own needs. How when I felt like I had needs I'd SHUSH them down so low that I basically couldn't hear them anymore. They became whispers that I had no room for. I stopped feeling hunger, stopped taking breaks, stopped taking care of myself. I realized how extremely LOUD my inner critic would become when I had needs.
Side note: Your inner critic likely has already been loud in YOUR head already TODAY. Have you noticed a feeling of overwhelm, not good enough, shoulding, internal guilt tripping or shaming? Yup, THAT’S your lovely inner critic keeping you all sorts of down.
The thing about not acknowledging MY needs was that it was also VERY hard for me to accept the needs of others as well. So if YOU were needy (aka human), I'd soon get very defensive around you.
It was rough times. Lots of bad moods, as you can imagine.
It was the day that I posted a note "There is PLENTY of room for ALL of OUR needs" on my fridge that things began to shift. That I began to accept myself and my dear friends and family members more. As I began to name my feelings and my needs, I began to soften in every single cell of my being. I began to open to the world and the world began to open to me in new and magical ways.
Imagine me asking you what you're feeling RIGHT NOW in this very moment. So literally, pause and say "I'm feeling ……………….” (please try to answer with just one feeling word).
With ANY answer you give, feel me nodding in recognition and love and allowing that feeling. Feel me helping you know that when you feel it and allow it and move toward it, it gets SMALLER not bigger.
Now in this very moment, imagine me asking you what you're needing RIGHT NOW. And as you identify your need (remember it can be as simple as “I need to take a deep breath” or “I need to get up and walk around the room one time”), imagine me smiling at you with love and affirmation - that your need is valid and allowed and that when you meet your need you actually open up space and permission for me to meet mine!
If we’re going to get through this wild ride that we are on as mothers and women and humans in this time in history, we’ll need to start with the basics that every human has a right to feel and need.
What each one of us needs and desires more than absolutely anything else is to know that we are loved and accepted. Can you give yourself the gentle permission of that acceptance right now? Can you ease your own burden with that gentle touch of love right now? Can you feel how much lighter that touch is toward yourself than the generally vigilant voice of “do more, be more, give more, fix more?”
Can you sense how this simple act is a radical gift to ourselves and each other that has the power to calm and soothe the soul of everyone out there?
It is my utter passion to help soothe the soul of overwhelmed women desiring to be their best, most confident self in these times. If you want to get to know me better and dive deeper into some of my work, I’d like to introduce you to my journaling series, Inward Bound. Please join me for this 10-day guided journaling practice to help you become more intimate with the topics I’ve discussed here but most importantly to introduce you to your higher self. Special for Bridgetown Baby clients, Inward Bound is on sale for only $22 through March 1st.
Lexi Mara is a farmer, florist and coach who has survived the pandemic by reaching deep into her coaching toolbox and using those tools on herself. You can find her writing letters from her higher self to her current self, homeschooling her 8 year old, or measuring the sprouts of spring coming up in the garden - hoping for new growth each day. Holding space for women to be totally honest with themselves after living forever with a lack of confidence brings her immeasurable joy. When she’s not being the CEO of her household or coaching, she’s devoting her life to growing flowers to help spread the beauty and comfort of nature to all.