by Jessica Goetz, PCD

What are Third Places?

When I first heard about “third places” from a barista friend in my early 20s, the concept was new to me, but not foreign - a third place is a place you elect to spend your time outside of home (#1) or work (#2). The idea of a third place was first described by urban sociologist Ray Oldenburg, in his book Celebrating the Third Place, as a neutral and informal public space that satisfies the human need to simply connect with others.

At that time in my life, single, with no children, and fairly responsibility-free, I had lots of third places at my disposal. My free time and energy were abundant, and there were many local cafés, restaurants, bars, and music venues where I could experience autonomy as well as community. Fast forward 10 years: I am married, have two children, and am living in a post pandemic world. My third places are very different from what they once were.

Perhaps I was in denial, or maybe I just thought I was immune to the changes that would come after becoming a parent, but I was ready to jump right back into the life I lived before having a baby. “The only difference,” I thought, “is now I have a cute buddy in tow!” I expected all my usual haunts to be waiting for me when I got back. Ok, so maybe my favorite restaurant didn’t have a changing table in the restroom, it would be fine, I’d make it work!

Creating New Rhythms with a Baby

It started with my favorite NE Portland coffee shop…. I’ll never forget the looks and stares fixed on me that first day I tried to squeeze a hulking BOB stroller into the doorway of a dainty four table café. Next, it was our favorite sushi restaurant where my husband and I had spent many evenings laughing and chatting with the staff - they were not keen on us plopping a car seat with a sleeping newborn in between us since it meant less room at the sushi bar for other patrons. And even trying to take a class at my favorite yoga studio felt out of reach, since most classes didn’t allow me to bring my cute buddy with me. Despite feeling the sting of rejection from some of my most coveted spots I was determined to find new places that welcomed me AND my baby. 

My yearning to find third places as a parent was not in vain - having a destination in mind helped break up the repetitive, mundane hours of rearing a newborn. In addition, having a goal for the day helped quell anxiety and stress and offered engagement with my peers. Evidence shows that regular access to third places is linked to better health and happiness. Unlike home and work, third places are spaces where folks can escape the expectation to accomplish tasks and focus on communing with others. People can exchange ideas, views, and beliefs, or just experience “solitude without loneliness.” In addition, third places are vital to democracy and the health and vibrancy of a city. Upon reflection, I see now that it was not the fault of my pre-parenthood third places, it was that I had evolved. My needs had changed, and I needed a space and community that understood that.

Finding Parent-Friendly Places

In my postpartum fog, I had almost forgotten about a space where I had taken a lactation class, a wellness center that catered to prenatal people and families with young children. This space had lots of offerings for new parents - so I decided to attend a lactation support group despite feeling successful in our nursing experience. I was able to bring my baby with me, there were clean changing stations in the bathrooms, extra diapers on hand - and best of all, friendly faces that met my eyes when I entered with a screaming infant rather than looking away. I immediately connected with a fellow parent and from there went on a journey quest to discover our own parent-friendly third places. We compared notes on what cafés had play spaces for kids, which restaurants had fast service and patient servers, and the movement classes that allowed our little sidekicks to come along. It was fun exploring the city to find our new third places.

Imagining such a quest, now, in a post-pandemic world seems daunting.

Post-COVID, many of us group our first two places, work and home, in the same space. Services like Instacart, Amazon and DoorDash mean that we hardly ever have to leave the house. However, the need to commune with others resides in all of us. So how do we find community - our third places - without having to journey far and wide?

Postpartum doulas and lactation consultants are experts at helping new families find connection - whether by providing companionship during daytime or overnight doula visits, or connections to the long lineage of parents who’ve worked hard to build a positive feeding relationship with their littles. As postpartum professionals, we also keep tabs on the many opportunities for parents to find their nourishing third places - we’re happy to share our short list of parent-friendly venues in PDX and the surrounding area.

Favorite Places for New Parents and Small Children 

Nurturing Circle for Growing Families

Having a hard time leaving the house, but still seeking connection with other parents? Hop on our virtual parent support group, the Nurturing Circle hosted by Bridgetown Baby postpartum doula and newborn expert, Brita Johnson. Every Tuesday from 10:30am-12pm on Zoom, free of charge. Click here to join from the comforts of home - or anywhere else!

New, this fall! The in-person SE Nurturing Circle at Sellwood Community House: Mondays, 9am-10:30am.

Bridgetown Baby Classes and Other Support Groups

Everything feels easier with some knowledge to anchor and augment your own budding parenting instincts, and hard things are easier to brook when you have a community of support. We offer a number of options in addition to the Nurturing Circle.

Resolve Support Group for Infertility and Alternative Family Building

Virtual Newborn Feeding Basics Class

Virtual Newborn Care 101 Class

In-home Personalized Newborn Care Essentials Class

In-home Twins 101 Class for parents expecting multiples

Personalized Partner Package to recognize and educate around partners’ unique roles

Ready Set Grow

The only yoga studio in Portland, OR dedicated to families and those looking to grow their families. With lots of classes to choose from such as yoga, movement, lactation, birth education and newborn 101, Ready Set Grow has something for every parent or parent to be. To find the perfect class for you check it out here. 

Sellwood Community House

A warm, welcoming and accessible place for all people of all ages abilities and identities. We love that Sellwood Community House provides programming for infants to senior citizens. This community-centric space has baby play groups, toddler tumbling classes, a preschool, offerings for teens and much, much more. SCH is perfect for families with children of various ages. To find the right fit for your family click here. 

Beech Street Parenting 

Becoming a parent is a huge transition - for you and your baby. Beech Street Parenting is there to guide you on your way, using the RIE-inspired principles of respectful caregiving. Discover virtual and in-person classes for you and your family here.

Book Babies at Multnomah County Libraries

Babies from birth to 12 months (with a favorite adult) enjoy songs, action rhymes and playtime and share a book together in each lively Book Babies session. Book Babies gives your baby the opportunity to hear lots of language while you get to know other new families. Find a story time at a local library near you.

Luna Wellness 

Meet the experts in prenatal and postpartum self-care. Luna wellness has a host of offerings to choose from, including massage, acupuncture, and chiropractic treatments. Best of all Luna supports care for kids and parents alike. Luna understands how difficult it can be to find time for yourself as a new parent and provides childcare during specific times of the day. Check out all of Luna’s practitioners and offerings visit here.

McMennamins Kennedy School - Mommy Matinee 

The Kennedy School Theater hosts a Mommy Matinee every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursdays afternoon/early evening. You can relax in their non-traditional seating of loveseats and arm chairs with a slice of pizza, a beer or any other item off their restaurant menu. The term Mommy Matinee implies that little ones are likely to accompany parents, therefore crying and baby babbling can be expected rather than shunned. Tickets are extremely discounted to boot, since most films are later showings of popular films released months earlier. See what’s playing here.

Playgroups and Other Resources

Map of Portland, Oregon swap and play locations

Pilea Play (SW Portland)

City Play for Kids (Vancouver)

Find your Postpartum Village

As we say, humans aren’t meant to walk the parenting path alone. Finding guidance that strengthens your instincts and builds your confidence is a great start. From there, you have a great springboard for getting out, meeting other parents, and building the community that makes parenting even sweeter.