by Lisbeth Sewell-McCann, of Sparkle Stories

Let’s talk about what loving yourself really looks like, shall we? I mean really really. Not just occasionally wrapping your arms around your body in a one-person embrace to say, “I love you so much” — which is nice — but loving yourself requires so much more than that. It’s a practice.

This month I turn 50 years old, and boy howdy have I thought about how to care for my sweet self over these last years. My entire being has demanded it.

Want to know my top three ways?

1. Self-care. We talk about this at lot at Sparkle Stories because it’s essential. For me, this includes exercise, meditation, time in nature, dance, deep connected time with girlfriends, and epsom salt baths. It also includes expressing what I feel and think. I think self-care can be just about anything that soothes your body and nervous system, and/or lights up your heart. A cup of good tea before sunrise. Lying on the floor in a pile of dogs. Twenty-second hugs. An afternoon off to read a novel. A movie marathon.

2. Structure a life that works for you. Most of us live within the constraints of our commitments to family and work and community, in which there can be so many demands. But I believe you can still nuance your day and night to match your needs. I’m a reformed Type-A go-getter. I now know that doing less in a day — and being more present — makes me utterly happier and healthier — and more successful. I’ve learned my limits for my time on screens — an essential activity for my workday, but one that’s hard on my body. I’m now more efficient, knowing that I max out at four hours total. I’m also an extrovert who needs lots of connection (lunch dates! coffee shop work sessions! lots of weekend plans!) and a highly sensitive person who wilts with too much stimulation (quiet time at home by myself!). I’m always striking a balance. I don’t watch movies with my kids very often, but I do sit down with them as often as possible to talk and connect.

3. Make room for ALL of who you are. This is the most important, in my book. We are complex beings with complex desires and needs. Thoughts and emotions of all sorts rise and fall throughout our days and weeks. Can I make room for all of it? Can you? For example: I have been stretching in so many ways these last five months. The greater part of me is dazzled and giddy and completely ready and willing to dive into the newness and adventure. And there’s a smaller part of me that’s worried and vulnerable and tender and hesitant. Most of the time I’m led by the former and jump right on into all the good that’s opening up for me, but sometimes I listen to the call of the latter and I take a pause. I feel into what’s rising, because it’s important too. It signals places in me that need healing.

Why do all of this? Because when we’re lit up, nourished, and fulfilled, we light up the people around us. And this makes the world a better place for everyone.

But what about our kids? How do we teach them to love themselves? I believe modeling is one of the most powerful things you can do, as kids attend more deeply to what you do, even more than what you say. Plus, the more attunement you offer yourself, the more space you'll have to offer them attunement. There's nothing like the gift of your total presence that says "you are utterly valuable."

How do you do the important work of loving yourself? What’s your practice?

Lisabeth Sewell-McCann is the Do-er of Important Things (including CEO) at Sparkle Stories, which provides gentle stories for growing minds. Sparkle Stories’ more than 1300 original audio stories offer relevant, entertaining and educational content geared to children from age 3 to 9+. Listen to stories about loving yourself, and check out other sample stories and their affordable subscription plan.